please visit
thedevifoundation.weebly.com
and know I could never thank you enough for the support you have shown me.
Meloo.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
A Summer of Smiles
The adventure is over, at least for now.
My mind races at the thought of going back there. Seeing all of them again. I think of the girls everyday. They stick to my thoughts like glue, I carry ghana in the pocket of my heart.
My journey back home was hard, I was in pain, my legs have all kinds of things wrong with them, but it is getting better now. Thank you Jesus! (or just American medicine. :) )
My thoughts have been retreating back to the ideas for Devi. The planning that is needed. The steps to be taken to Make It Happen. Goal: get 8 teachers for a year. Be their sponsor for school. Is it within reach? You bet. I will be sure to let everyone know when and what they can buy in order to support these efforts. Millie deserves a chance to excel. God knows they all do. These kids would make your heart cry of happiness, they are all so beautiful.
As the summer ends and I embark on a new journey of officially moving out of my parents house for good, planning how to raise 3600 dollars for Devi, and establishing the end to one of the greatest summers I have ever known, one filled with adventure and love and life and just downright Beauty, it is hard not to find it all just a little bittersweet. I miss the kids, I miss Africa. But I am happy to be home. Furthermore, I can't wait to go back and visit again. This summer has taught me so many things. It has taught me that a dirt floor doesnt mean anything at all, in fact sometimes it is better. That parasites are gross but not the end of me. That there is a chance to love again. That africa is one of the most beautiful places I will ever go to. If you want to get to know someone, travel to Africa with them. (Vicky I am still having withdrawals from you. It is strange not to have a constant companion.) There is nothing more fantastic than an adventure, if you ever get the chance, Travel. And above all, I am one of the luckiest girls I know. I have more support than I ever knew, you all are so amazing, I am so blessed in every single sense of the word.
Coming home I keep getting the question: how was africa.
This is a hard question to answer only when questioned on details. Otherwise if I can say one word, Amazing. It was the experience of a lifetime and I do not mean to put that lightly. It has come to an end but my a piece of my heart will always be in Ghana, you should visit her one day if you ever get the chance. My homestead in Africa. My birthplace of adventure.
Meloo Woe, dear Ghana. I will see you again, and I will never, ever forget you.
"And in their eyes I would be strange and ragged and like the Prophet that has walked across the land to bring the dark Word, the only Word I had was Wow."
My mind races at the thought of going back there. Seeing all of them again. I think of the girls everyday. They stick to my thoughts like glue, I carry ghana in the pocket of my heart.
My journey back home was hard, I was in pain, my legs have all kinds of things wrong with them, but it is getting better now. Thank you Jesus! (or just American medicine. :) )
My thoughts have been retreating back to the ideas for Devi. The planning that is needed. The steps to be taken to Make It Happen. Goal: get 8 teachers for a year. Be their sponsor for school. Is it within reach? You bet. I will be sure to let everyone know when and what they can buy in order to support these efforts. Millie deserves a chance to excel. God knows they all do. These kids would make your heart cry of happiness, they are all so beautiful.
As the summer ends and I embark on a new journey of officially moving out of my parents house for good, planning how to raise 3600 dollars for Devi, and establishing the end to one of the greatest summers I have ever known, one filled with adventure and love and life and just downright Beauty, it is hard not to find it all just a little bittersweet. I miss the kids, I miss Africa. But I am happy to be home. Furthermore, I can't wait to go back and visit again. This summer has taught me so many things. It has taught me that a dirt floor doesnt mean anything at all, in fact sometimes it is better. That parasites are gross but not the end of me. That there is a chance to love again. That africa is one of the most beautiful places I will ever go to. If you want to get to know someone, travel to Africa with them. (Vicky I am still having withdrawals from you. It is strange not to have a constant companion.) There is nothing more fantastic than an adventure, if you ever get the chance, Travel. And above all, I am one of the luckiest girls I know. I have more support than I ever knew, you all are so amazing, I am so blessed in every single sense of the word.
Coming home I keep getting the question: how was africa.
This is a hard question to answer only when questioned on details. Otherwise if I can say one word, Amazing. It was the experience of a lifetime and I do not mean to put that lightly. It has come to an end but my a piece of my heart will always be in Ghana, you should visit her one day if you ever get the chance. My homestead in Africa. My birthplace of adventure.
Meloo Woe, dear Ghana. I will see you again, and I will never, ever forget you.
"And in their eyes I would be strange and ragged and like the Prophet that has walked across the land to bring the dark Word, the only Word I had was Wow."
Monday, July 6, 2009
I hope you get where you are going and be happy when you do.
In about 6 hours I will be sitting in the airport, wasting time until my journey of two long flights and a layover begin, all to end with seeing my beautiful family, the desert, and olive garden.
I am ready for home. I miss it. But this feeling of readiness has only come on in these last couple days. I have had several moments where I feel like I am slipping away from something. Becoming aware of how scary home will feel. I spent my home country's birthday at a pool called Freedom reading On the Road in Ghana with a boy who just wants to help and is too scarred to go for it and screw his business degree (Jeff, our two day long host brother, we helped him get acquainted and then we took off, good luck jeff.) and a girl I never thought I would be so close with. I love it here. I realized on the 4th how accustom I had become to it all. I also realized how strange America would taste. There were the most white people I had seen in 5 weeks at the pool that day and it gave me anxiety, it was strange to hear their loud English, their slang and American ways. However I know home will be amazing, even if it is shocking and scary at first. My last fufu for a long time was on the fourth and on sunday I said my goodbyes, threw the last things in my bag, kissed each of those beautiful kids head's and walked down that dirt path to the station one last time (for a while at least) and tried so hard to hang on. Like Kerouac said in his book, when saying goodbye they turned at 12 paces and looked back at one another, for love is a duel. I lost. I ran back to hug Aunties scared body one last time and scream MELOO WOE!!! waving tirelessly, wanting to have them down the street from me at home. So we got to the Tro station, it filled, we said goodbye to the ever loving Mr.Hii and sailed away with Fan Ice in hand. Goodbye for now, dear Volta Region.
Then Accra came. It scarred us like hell at first. I wanted my mothers arms, the igloo, or just to go back to Ho and eat rice at Big Mama's again. We found our self in Osu, a very western like area in Accra (most places in Accra are that way, it is the city, and it is developed, and not what I know to be Ghana) It is a strange mix of the western world and Ghana and to me felt like neither which was unnerving and down right strange. After being told we couldn't get a room together because we were the same sex we found a place with a cheese croissant. CHEESE croissant. and.... ICE CREAM. REAL LIFE ICE CREAM IN A CONE. I have never Ever been more satisfied with taste as I was with that. You cannot know true love of ice cream until you go 5 weeks with no milk products. Never again will I underestimate the beauty of ice cream, in a cone. Our stomachs did not take it well but damn was it worth it. The city was making our souls scream for something we could know, whether it be home or Ho. We sat on the curb in silence. Both of us in our own worlds, a couple comments now and then. We wrote a list of ailments we cant explain from Africa. We tried to laugh. But really we were just so damn homesick. But then a random Rasta man that was Muslim and an artist came up to try to sell his stuff to us. He ended up sitting and talking with us and I got a painting from him. I will use this painting as a remembrance to never hate any experience no matter how uncomfortable because it teaches you. And that is all that matters. Rasta painter man was a sign from God Herself saying "Hey. Shut the hell up. You are going home soon. Soak this up. Stop being down. Have the best day of your life." So we did. Smiles turned up we laughed and shook hands with other friends of his, all along claiming we were married and then found our self in an asian restaurant from heaven called Tip Top cafe. It was a spiritual experience. I had the best asian food I have ever had in my entire life. No exaggeration. One word sums up yesterday. Serendipity.
Home is so soon and I can feel that breathless heat of my home encase me when I come off that plane. I can see my mothers little body approaching me for a hug. My fathers smile and my brother calling me "dirt". I can feel my heart race at the thought of olive garden and the jump in my stomach I will have when I reach my pine covered new home and see my first ever apartment. I can't believe how blessed I am. I am so excited for whatever else life has in store, i cannot wait to go out and explore every inch of what it has to offer, anyone in with me?
I love you all. I will see you soon. :)
I am ready for home. I miss it. But this feeling of readiness has only come on in these last couple days. I have had several moments where I feel like I am slipping away from something. Becoming aware of how scary home will feel. I spent my home country's birthday at a pool called Freedom reading On the Road in Ghana with a boy who just wants to help and is too scarred to go for it and screw his business degree (Jeff, our two day long host brother, we helped him get acquainted and then we took off, good luck jeff.) and a girl I never thought I would be so close with. I love it here. I realized on the 4th how accustom I had become to it all. I also realized how strange America would taste. There were the most white people I had seen in 5 weeks at the pool that day and it gave me anxiety, it was strange to hear their loud English, their slang and American ways. However I know home will be amazing, even if it is shocking and scary at first. My last fufu for a long time was on the fourth and on sunday I said my goodbyes, threw the last things in my bag, kissed each of those beautiful kids head's and walked down that dirt path to the station one last time (for a while at least) and tried so hard to hang on. Like Kerouac said in his book, when saying goodbye they turned at 12 paces and looked back at one another, for love is a duel. I lost. I ran back to hug Aunties scared body one last time and scream MELOO WOE!!! waving tirelessly, wanting to have them down the street from me at home. So we got to the Tro station, it filled, we said goodbye to the ever loving Mr.Hii and sailed away with Fan Ice in hand. Goodbye for now, dear Volta Region.
Then Accra came. It scarred us like hell at first. I wanted my mothers arms, the igloo, or just to go back to Ho and eat rice at Big Mama's again. We found our self in Osu, a very western like area in Accra (most places in Accra are that way, it is the city, and it is developed, and not what I know to be Ghana) It is a strange mix of the western world and Ghana and to me felt like neither which was unnerving and down right strange. After being told we couldn't get a room together because we were the same sex we found a place with a cheese croissant. CHEESE croissant. and.... ICE CREAM. REAL LIFE ICE CREAM IN A CONE. I have never Ever been more satisfied with taste as I was with that. You cannot know true love of ice cream until you go 5 weeks with no milk products. Never again will I underestimate the beauty of ice cream, in a cone. Our stomachs did not take it well but damn was it worth it. The city was making our souls scream for something we could know, whether it be home or Ho. We sat on the curb in silence. Both of us in our own worlds, a couple comments now and then. We wrote a list of ailments we cant explain from Africa. We tried to laugh. But really we were just so damn homesick. But then a random Rasta man that was Muslim and an artist came up to try to sell his stuff to us. He ended up sitting and talking with us and I got a painting from him. I will use this painting as a remembrance to never hate any experience no matter how uncomfortable because it teaches you. And that is all that matters. Rasta painter man was a sign from God Herself saying "Hey. Shut the hell up. You are going home soon. Soak this up. Stop being down. Have the best day of your life." So we did. Smiles turned up we laughed and shook hands with other friends of his, all along claiming we were married and then found our self in an asian restaurant from heaven called Tip Top cafe. It was a spiritual experience. I had the best asian food I have ever had in my entire life. No exaggeration. One word sums up yesterday. Serendipity.
Home is so soon and I can feel that breathless heat of my home encase me when I come off that plane. I can see my mothers little body approaching me for a hug. My fathers smile and my brother calling me "dirt". I can feel my heart race at the thought of olive garden and the jump in my stomach I will have when I reach my pine covered new home and see my first ever apartment. I can't believe how blessed I am. I am so excited for whatever else life has in store, i cannot wait to go out and explore every inch of what it has to offer, anyone in with me?
I love you all. I will see you soon. :)
Friday, July 3, 2009
I have miss you very much.
Today has been a roller coaster, something I am expecting to not cease for some time. I feel like for a while I will go through these intense emotions, one minute I want to leave and be back in my families presence, the next I feel like im sinking, that it's all ending too soon. I know I am ready to see everyone, ready to say hello again. But I had no idea how attached I could get to people in a month. I've learned to love these kids in a way I didnt think I could in such a short time.
Today was the last day at work at Drifting Angels. I did not think it would be so hard. On one of their breaks I wrote. -
My heart is in my throat. Pulsing there I try hard not to leak. The lump of sadness rests there, expands and contracts. Builds pressure in my lungs and behind my eyes.
Why does there always have to be a goodbye.
Milli, don't cry, I will be back. I say hopefully.
Why do they have to live so far?
A thousand hot knives in my heart stick firmly there as I watch her cry. I swallow. It almost breaches the surface and somehow I push the lump back down. I want to bawl and weep. It is like I am saying goodbye to the most infamous lover I have ever had. These kids have touched me in such a deep, passionate way.
I don't want to say goodbye.
I have never felt like this before, my stomach is in knots. I am slipping. Cant reach land. I want to burst into tears and hug them for eternity.
I dont want to leave.
I want this last couple of hours to last a lifetime and drip into every second of the rest of my life. I want to stay.
I dont know how to act. I am trying so hard to be calm, still, happy, relaxed.
Not crying.
The pit of my stomach churns its hot thick somber gooey mess and my limbs are heavy.
A part of me will be left here forever.
But then. It passed. At least for now. Vicky and I did our normal rutein of corn and pastries, we walked up the hill and sweated way too much. We sat on the corner with our fan ice. Not much has been said today between us. We both feel the weight of goodbyes so heavy on our hearts it is hard to be completly normal. But on the other hand we are bright in the prospect of home. Monday I will be on a plane and Tuesday I finally see my family, I am so excited. Today I found out my Dad will also be at the airport because my Yiayia is doing better. Praise Jesus! As Big Mama would say.
The experience here has gone from adventure to downright home, I will miss this place like hell. I will miss Big Mama and her undying kindness. Peace and the way she shows me her art, drawing me with peace signs all over and rainbow eyes. I will miss the boys, their silly games of yelling in the morning. I will even miss waking up to the loudest church service you have ever heard next to my head. I will never forget getting adorned with hand made beads to show appreciation from the Church's Pastor I went to in order to show his thanks for coming. Watching Auntie make egg stew and have her laugh at us. The shower randomly turning off and the constant feeling of a bloated belly. The conversations, realizations, and the friendship I have built with Vicky, the people I have met here and their smiles I will carry in my pocket forever. I will never forget any of it. I will keep in contact. I cherish every last moment here and know when I come back I will be so greatful for not only the love I learned here but what I realized about home through this journey. I love America. So deeply. I love my family more than words and have no idea what I would do without them. I miss you John. I miss you Mom and Dad. I can't wait to see you tuesday. I cant wait to potentially break into tears over the long awaited trip to olive garden and salad. I cant wait for flagstaff and all the beautiful people there. I am so beyond blessed to have every single one of you in my life. I am so blessed to have this experience and if I can give any advice it would be to travel if you can. The best learning experiences lie in travel, things books and stories can not give you. Experience life, go out and conquer it and never forget how wonderful your home is. I know I won't.
I.Love.You.All.From.The.Bottom.Of.My.Heart.
Today was the last day at work at Drifting Angels. I did not think it would be so hard. On one of their breaks I wrote. -
My heart is in my throat. Pulsing there I try hard not to leak. The lump of sadness rests there, expands and contracts. Builds pressure in my lungs and behind my eyes.
Why does there always have to be a goodbye.
Milli, don't cry, I will be back. I say hopefully.
Why do they have to live so far?
A thousand hot knives in my heart stick firmly there as I watch her cry. I swallow. It almost breaches the surface and somehow I push the lump back down. I want to bawl and weep. It is like I am saying goodbye to the most infamous lover I have ever had. These kids have touched me in such a deep, passionate way.
I don't want to say goodbye.
I have never felt like this before, my stomach is in knots. I am slipping. Cant reach land. I want to burst into tears and hug them for eternity.
I dont want to leave.
I want this last couple of hours to last a lifetime and drip into every second of the rest of my life. I want to stay.
I dont know how to act. I am trying so hard to be calm, still, happy, relaxed.
Not crying.
The pit of my stomach churns its hot thick somber gooey mess and my limbs are heavy.
A part of me will be left here forever.
But then. It passed. At least for now. Vicky and I did our normal rutein of corn and pastries, we walked up the hill and sweated way too much. We sat on the corner with our fan ice. Not much has been said today between us. We both feel the weight of goodbyes so heavy on our hearts it is hard to be completly normal. But on the other hand we are bright in the prospect of home. Monday I will be on a plane and Tuesday I finally see my family, I am so excited. Today I found out my Dad will also be at the airport because my Yiayia is doing better. Praise Jesus! As Big Mama would say.
The experience here has gone from adventure to downright home, I will miss this place like hell. I will miss Big Mama and her undying kindness. Peace and the way she shows me her art, drawing me with peace signs all over and rainbow eyes. I will miss the boys, their silly games of yelling in the morning. I will even miss waking up to the loudest church service you have ever heard next to my head. I will never forget getting adorned with hand made beads to show appreciation from the Church's Pastor I went to in order to show his thanks for coming. Watching Auntie make egg stew and have her laugh at us. The shower randomly turning off and the constant feeling of a bloated belly. The conversations, realizations, and the friendship I have built with Vicky, the people I have met here and their smiles I will carry in my pocket forever. I will never forget any of it. I will keep in contact. I cherish every last moment here and know when I come back I will be so greatful for not only the love I learned here but what I realized about home through this journey. I love America. So deeply. I love my family more than words and have no idea what I would do without them. I miss you John. I miss you Mom and Dad. I can't wait to see you tuesday. I cant wait to potentially break into tears over the long awaited trip to olive garden and salad. I cant wait for flagstaff and all the beautiful people there. I am so beyond blessed to have every single one of you in my life. I am so blessed to have this experience and if I can give any advice it would be to travel if you can. The best learning experiences lie in travel, things books and stories can not give you. Experience life, go out and conquer it and never forget how wonderful your home is. I know I won't.
I.Love.You.All.From.The.Bottom.Of.My.Heart.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The sun waved hello to the earth, and it was love at first sight.
My heart is happy again. Peace and hope swell around it like a big bursting hive of beautiful bees, humming around with ideas and love.
Devi will happen. Today was extremely encouraging and things were talked over. When I get home expect a full on obsession to get there to be experience certified teachers in Drifting Angels next school year. It is 60 Cedis a month for one teacher. They need around 8 teachers. We can, and will. do this. (Britt I can hear you now bursting with ideas of how to raise this money, can't wait to be a partner in crime/fund raising with you again.) And to all of you who have done Nothing but support me, give ideas and just downright love me, I CANT THANK YOU ENOUGH. If it's one thing I have learned here it is how to love, and how much I appreciate every single one of you who have helped me on this journey and who I know will be there to laugh and cry and drink chai with me for many times to come. I love you all more than you know. You are all so beautiful.
Last day at the orphanage tomorrow. This makes my heart tremor a little bit. I cannot believe tomorrow is my last day with them, at least for a long time. I will long for them upon my arrival home. I am nervous for how much I will miss them, how strange America will feel when I land and see so many white pointy faces. Saturday I will be eating Fufu while you all celebrate July 4th. This makes me happy, but nervous. Home will be an interesting adjustment but I am so happy and excited to see all of you, eat salad, talk and love with you all.
Tomorrow will be hard, but I am forever greatful for this chance.
Signing off for now, with love and hope in my soul I can't wait to suck all the marrow out of life and rejoice in how amazing this experience is for me.
I love you all.
Devi will happen. Today was extremely encouraging and things were talked over. When I get home expect a full on obsession to get there to be experience certified teachers in Drifting Angels next school year. It is 60 Cedis a month for one teacher. They need around 8 teachers. We can, and will. do this. (Britt I can hear you now bursting with ideas of how to raise this money, can't wait to be a partner in crime/fund raising with you again.) And to all of you who have done Nothing but support me, give ideas and just downright love me, I CANT THANK YOU ENOUGH. If it's one thing I have learned here it is how to love, and how much I appreciate every single one of you who have helped me on this journey and who I know will be there to laugh and cry and drink chai with me for many times to come. I love you all more than you know. You are all so beautiful.
Last day at the orphanage tomorrow. This makes my heart tremor a little bit. I cannot believe tomorrow is my last day with them, at least for a long time. I will long for them upon my arrival home. I am nervous for how much I will miss them, how strange America will feel when I land and see so many white pointy faces. Saturday I will be eating Fufu while you all celebrate July 4th. This makes me happy, but nervous. Home will be an interesting adjustment but I am so happy and excited to see all of you, eat salad, talk and love with you all.
Tomorrow will be hard, but I am forever greatful for this chance.
Signing off for now, with love and hope in my soul I can't wait to suck all the marrow out of life and rejoice in how amazing this experience is for me.
I love you all.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
God Save Us The Children.
Internet is back up in one cafe and the price is high. It's worth it, I want you all to know things are moving. I still have hope and the support system I am realizing I have back home makes me love you all more than words can describe.
The orphanage at moments seems hopeful, other times I want to yell and scream. But I am trying ruthlessly. Failure isn't an option and I for some reason still have hope. We have been yelled at and felt discouraged, our stomachs are ready for good food, food that I can actually digest, but in all reality all I want is to see real change.
Due to men in the town of Tsito (where the orphanage is) stealing children in order to sell their blood to sell to witches in the town for money I now understand why Mama is scarred to send them to public school. (note. I am NOT in danger of this happening to me. This is the first time I have heard of something like this and Ghana is not known for violence or things like this. Please do not blow this out of proportion and make it personal, remember it is the kids who are in danger, and the kids who should be faught for, do not fret over my safety, I am safe.)
I would also like to say I am so greatful to be an American. I am beyond rediculously blessed. It's not fair. One day I hope it will be.
So beyond how horrific it is that there is a "witch" and she buys blood, and people buy into this, it means that there is an alternative that now has light on it. Vicky and I can still do Devi. The money would just be directed toward paying Legitamate, educated teachers into the school from outside to teach the children in the home. I am beyond desperate to make this work. It has gotten to a point where I feel these are my children, and no one will do injustice toward my Millie or Gifty, no one will touch Deborah or hurt Gideon. It's just not an option. And Erin, you are right. Mama I know cares within her, and I will continue to work and pray for this all to come to a conclusion and a point in which I feel like me coming here wassn't to just break my heart and feel powerless but rather to realize I was blessed with the life I have for a reason, and I can use these blessings to help those who were not as lucky as I was.
So I have hope. My head sometimes feels like it may explode, sometimes I want to rip at things here and have the power to control them. I want to see a hospital that makes sense. I want to see doctors who work on weekends. But they will get there. Ghana is amazingly progressive and it is Only 50 years old. I have faith in its progress and I know they are trying and willing to better their situations. I am going to miss this place like hell.
The African sun beats widley across the theighs of the innocent but even harder does her rain. Like a cleansing mess of glory she sheds all over the jungle and begs for recognition. I will never forget the beauty I have witnessed. I will one day come back to stay with big Mama and know to expect a big plate of Fufu, a stomach that bloats beyond belief, and to once again be called Yevu. Until then the memories will stick with me. I could not have asked for an experience more pure. More amazing. I have learned so much about myself here, and so much about people, the world, and culture. I appreciate things now I have always overlooked. This journey will stay with me always, I can't wait to have more. The world cries out to me, See me she says, her naked body ready for exploration she lays out and asks for adventure. The greatest suductress I have decided to heed her calling, but for a while America looks bright for me. It is and always will be my home. I can't believe how overwhellmingly much I took her diverse land for granted, her mix of culture, and like chip said, I can't wait to be a part of the salad America is again, everything is different but it all works so well together. I hope one day the world can be one, and Africa will not just be for resume building and outreaches. She has more than you know to offer. She is such a beautiful spirit. I hope one day, if you get the chance, you can meet her.
I LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL.
The orphanage at moments seems hopeful, other times I want to yell and scream. But I am trying ruthlessly. Failure isn't an option and I for some reason still have hope. We have been yelled at and felt discouraged, our stomachs are ready for good food, food that I can actually digest, but in all reality all I want is to see real change.
Due to men in the town of Tsito (where the orphanage is) stealing children in order to sell their blood to sell to witches in the town for money I now understand why Mama is scarred to send them to public school. (note. I am NOT in danger of this happening to me. This is the first time I have heard of something like this and Ghana is not known for violence or things like this. Please do not blow this out of proportion and make it personal, remember it is the kids who are in danger, and the kids who should be faught for, do not fret over my safety, I am safe.)
I would also like to say I am so greatful to be an American. I am beyond rediculously blessed. It's not fair. One day I hope it will be.
So beyond how horrific it is that there is a "witch" and she buys blood, and people buy into this, it means that there is an alternative that now has light on it. Vicky and I can still do Devi. The money would just be directed toward paying Legitamate, educated teachers into the school from outside to teach the children in the home. I am beyond desperate to make this work. It has gotten to a point where I feel these are my children, and no one will do injustice toward my Millie or Gifty, no one will touch Deborah or hurt Gideon. It's just not an option. And Erin, you are right. Mama I know cares within her, and I will continue to work and pray for this all to come to a conclusion and a point in which I feel like me coming here wassn't to just break my heart and feel powerless but rather to realize I was blessed with the life I have for a reason, and I can use these blessings to help those who were not as lucky as I was.
So I have hope. My head sometimes feels like it may explode, sometimes I want to rip at things here and have the power to control them. I want to see a hospital that makes sense. I want to see doctors who work on weekends. But they will get there. Ghana is amazingly progressive and it is Only 50 years old. I have faith in its progress and I know they are trying and willing to better their situations. I am going to miss this place like hell.
The African sun beats widley across the theighs of the innocent but even harder does her rain. Like a cleansing mess of glory she sheds all over the jungle and begs for recognition. I will never forget the beauty I have witnessed. I will one day come back to stay with big Mama and know to expect a big plate of Fufu, a stomach that bloats beyond belief, and to once again be called Yevu. Until then the memories will stick with me. I could not have asked for an experience more pure. More amazing. I have learned so much about myself here, and so much about people, the world, and culture. I appreciate things now I have always overlooked. This journey will stay with me always, I can't wait to have more. The world cries out to me, See me she says, her naked body ready for exploration she lays out and asks for adventure. The greatest suductress I have decided to heed her calling, but for a while America looks bright for me. It is and always will be my home. I can't believe how overwhellmingly much I took her diverse land for granted, her mix of culture, and like chip said, I can't wait to be a part of the salad America is again, everything is different but it all works so well together. I hope one day the world can be one, and Africa will not just be for resume building and outreaches. She has more than you know to offer. She is such a beautiful spirit. I hope one day, if you get the chance, you can meet her.
I LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Heartbreak Hotel.
I'm not sure where to begin.
Parts of me want to cry. Others want to lash out in rage. A small trickle of apathy.
Today we were supposed to talk to Mama. The supervisor of the orphanage I work for.
Over the past few days it has become quite clear how illigitemate the schooling situation is where I work. The 'teachers' are not qualified, there is a lack of supplies and no structure. These kids are not getting what they deserve. I mean for got sakes I am teaching these kids science, i have no experience, no idea about how to go about it. I contemplated for a long time whether or not to write about this. But I can't pretend it's not happening. Plus I am more frustrated than I have ever been. However. I know I am not powerless.
The headmaster of the school (who is a man who has not been to university and has never been a teacher, just has the biggest heart in the world and wants to help these kids.) has aggreed with us, the school is not efficient. These kids deserve the same opportunity as the other children in the community and they deserve to go to public school where they might actually have a stab at learning how to read. I told him we were willing to raise funds to pay for basic schooling fees in the public school system. (30 for girls, 38 Cedi's a year. - right now 1 Cedi is about 1.50 dollars last I checked.) He loved the idea. I had it all planned out. Ali Smart you would be proud, I thought often of the grow chart and organized what needed to be done. I had heard from another volunteer from a different organization that Mama was a stubborn and hard lady to get through to. I found out that she does not want to send the kids to school elsewhere because it will hurt her reputation at the home. It would be admitting she needs time to grow. To raise enough funds to have a legitamate school. My anger is like a fire when I think of this again. Anyway. I decided to give it a try myself. See if my father's lessons in speaking and my ability to seem extremely organized and ready even if I'm not could convince this woman to screw her reputation for a while so these kids have a chance in life. I know 14 year olds who cannot read. It is hard not to throw something at Mama. But I have kept my patience. Mom - somehow I have learned from you to smile when I really just want to throw punches, which is an extremely good quality to have right now.
So today we were to meet with her. The headmaster was to go with us for support and try to convince her. I had my lists, my flow charts, I was ready. I wanted to convince her to scale the school down to a day care, send the others to public and slowly build her idea for a school at the home from scratch and ground up. Seems reasonable.
As I was standing in a shower area discussing how to paint it with some volunteers a knock came. The headmaster told me Mama said she will not agree to discuss such things with me, but that I should raise money and send it to her. My heart turned to flames. My heart got angry. I told him to tell her this is rediculous. I am not giving her money if she wont even have a conversation with me. I told him I cant agree to anything unless she talks with me and I will not send money knowing it will not get spent properly but rather to make the orphanage look good, instead of making it work well.
I am in the most unethical, rediculous, immoral situation i have Ever been in.
So i left. I went to the public school nearby. Notebook in hand, my father would be proud. I wanted to see what I was fighting for. I was beyond suprized. The school had everything a child needs. Walls. Roofs. Toilets. Teachers in each room. A lesson plan. Books. Pencils. Structure. Real life education. For next to free, a safe 15 minute walk away. I plan on doing everything in my power to make sure the kids, the ones I have literally fallen for, get a chance to be successfull. I Love them. They will get what they deserve. I have suddenly realized I will make a good mother, but for now, all my motherly instincts are flooding into this. It is not fair. These kids are being used as guinea pigs and reputation builders amoung an overly zealous religous community and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Tonight I will talk with projects abroad, the group I came to Ghana with and arranged my placement. I will ask them to use their clout to help back me. I will ask them to try to do everything. If this does not work Vicky and I have decided to go to the ministry of education here in Ghana and as individuals seperate from Projects Abroad, report the school. A friend said she heard on the news that some orphanages were getting reviewed, out of 42 only 5 were up to standard schooling wise. So i know they will not ignore my reports. At least I can hope. I pray it does not come to this. I pray something this rediculous gets solved, it should not even be an issue. I cannot see injustice at this level and not act. Every fiber in my body is crying out. I refuse to submit to the idea of being helpless. I am not powerless. I cannot accept the situation and go home withot doing everthing in my power to change it. I would never forgive myself. Wish us luck.
I love you all.
Parts of me want to cry. Others want to lash out in rage. A small trickle of apathy.
Today we were supposed to talk to Mama. The supervisor of the orphanage I work for.
Over the past few days it has become quite clear how illigitemate the schooling situation is where I work. The 'teachers' are not qualified, there is a lack of supplies and no structure. These kids are not getting what they deserve. I mean for got sakes I am teaching these kids science, i have no experience, no idea about how to go about it. I contemplated for a long time whether or not to write about this. But I can't pretend it's not happening. Plus I am more frustrated than I have ever been. However. I know I am not powerless.
The headmaster of the school (who is a man who has not been to university and has never been a teacher, just has the biggest heart in the world and wants to help these kids.) has aggreed with us, the school is not efficient. These kids deserve the same opportunity as the other children in the community and they deserve to go to public school where they might actually have a stab at learning how to read. I told him we were willing to raise funds to pay for basic schooling fees in the public school system. (30 for girls, 38 Cedi's a year. - right now 1 Cedi is about 1.50 dollars last I checked.) He loved the idea. I had it all planned out. Ali Smart you would be proud, I thought often of the grow chart and organized what needed to be done. I had heard from another volunteer from a different organization that Mama was a stubborn and hard lady to get through to. I found out that she does not want to send the kids to school elsewhere because it will hurt her reputation at the home. It would be admitting she needs time to grow. To raise enough funds to have a legitamate school. My anger is like a fire when I think of this again. Anyway. I decided to give it a try myself. See if my father's lessons in speaking and my ability to seem extremely organized and ready even if I'm not could convince this woman to screw her reputation for a while so these kids have a chance in life. I know 14 year olds who cannot read. It is hard not to throw something at Mama. But I have kept my patience. Mom - somehow I have learned from you to smile when I really just want to throw punches, which is an extremely good quality to have right now.
So today we were to meet with her. The headmaster was to go with us for support and try to convince her. I had my lists, my flow charts, I was ready. I wanted to convince her to scale the school down to a day care, send the others to public and slowly build her idea for a school at the home from scratch and ground up. Seems reasonable.
As I was standing in a shower area discussing how to paint it with some volunteers a knock came. The headmaster told me Mama said she will not agree to discuss such things with me, but that I should raise money and send it to her. My heart turned to flames. My heart got angry. I told him to tell her this is rediculous. I am not giving her money if she wont even have a conversation with me. I told him I cant agree to anything unless she talks with me and I will not send money knowing it will not get spent properly but rather to make the orphanage look good, instead of making it work well.
I am in the most unethical, rediculous, immoral situation i have Ever been in.
So i left. I went to the public school nearby. Notebook in hand, my father would be proud. I wanted to see what I was fighting for. I was beyond suprized. The school had everything a child needs. Walls. Roofs. Toilets. Teachers in each room. A lesson plan. Books. Pencils. Structure. Real life education. For next to free, a safe 15 minute walk away. I plan on doing everything in my power to make sure the kids, the ones I have literally fallen for, get a chance to be successfull. I Love them. They will get what they deserve. I have suddenly realized I will make a good mother, but for now, all my motherly instincts are flooding into this. It is not fair. These kids are being used as guinea pigs and reputation builders amoung an overly zealous religous community and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Tonight I will talk with projects abroad, the group I came to Ghana with and arranged my placement. I will ask them to use their clout to help back me. I will ask them to try to do everything. If this does not work Vicky and I have decided to go to the ministry of education here in Ghana and as individuals seperate from Projects Abroad, report the school. A friend said she heard on the news that some orphanages were getting reviewed, out of 42 only 5 were up to standard schooling wise. So i know they will not ignore my reports. At least I can hope. I pray it does not come to this. I pray something this rediculous gets solved, it should not even be an issue. I cannot see injustice at this level and not act. Every fiber in my body is crying out. I refuse to submit to the idea of being helpless. I am not powerless. I cannot accept the situation and go home withot doing everthing in my power to change it. I would never forgive myself. Wish us luck.
I love you all.
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